since the last time i made my appearance on this blog i’ve become a so-called adult. so far i’m not all that impressed, really. only thing that’s different is that i can walk into clubs without having to wonder whether or not i’ll get in, buy alcohol, drive a car (if i’d actually had my permit, which i don’t) and, lucky me — get to pay bills. the last part sucks. my fellow comrads in newly adulthood all ran to the liquor store, but me? i went to the local store and bought paracet. i’m not saying i haven’t bought alcohol, i have, and cigarettes for a few friends, but my first “need” was paracet. once i had this major headache and went to the store, ’cause we were out of paracet, and what am i told? i have to be eighteen! was i pissed off? indeed. so now, in their ugly faces, i can buy my paracets. the fact that i’ve had a rocky few months with a certain someone probably didn’t help, either. i’ve had a wonderful time, but now it’s over. it disappoints me how he’s dealing with all of this, and how he so desperately tries to make me the bad guy here. but hey, some people just can’t steer themselves in the right directions. i’m not saying i’m so good at that myself, but at least i try to control myself.
but, that’s not actually what i wanted to blog about today. maybe, in light of recent events, i should still be a little down and what not, but i’m not; i’m smiling from ear to ear, struggling not to flutter away. my body is overfilled with joy and warmth, and i just can’t help my smiles. they won’t stay away from my face for long, but why would i want them to? it’s the most amazing thing to be happy and be able to smile! the reason, you ask? a boy. or, a man. depends on how you see it. he’s at least a man in my eyes. sadly, he’s out of my reach.. i can’t walk for a few minutes and knock on his door, or drive for twenty. if i want to be in contact with him, i need to pull up my phone or go on my computer. it makes me indescribably sad not being able to see him whenever i want, but knowing i can just talk to him at all times is making it all better. seeing his adorable and shy smile makes my heart sing with happiness. is it crazy? maybe. but who doesn’t need a little crazy in their lives? i think everybody. maybe in small doses, but at least a bit. knowing i can also make him smile and feel those nervous butterflies in the stomach is beyond gratifying. the way he makes me feel, just over those written lines on the screen, is amazing. he’s been in my life for years and years now, and though there have been sad times, the good times definitely stand victorious. no one, and i mean no one, stands a chance to his personality and charm. although he can’t see it himself, he is one unique individual. the moment i get to feel him in my arms is closing in me, and i have to catch my breath a few times. just knowing the power he holds.. ’cause when someone feels such things for another, they become vulnerable. so vulnerable. but only the cruel people take advantage of that. i know a few, but this one, he is not one of them. he is wonderful. he’s willing to bet on me the way no one has ever done before. the way he talks to me.. it’s different. he’s different. and i’m so glad i have him in my life. no one can replace him, and nor do i want anyone to. he is mine to have and to hold, and i’m so much looking forward to it!
i hope this haven’t been too much for you, and that you can try to picture such insane happiness.
until next time.
